FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS, volume 8, number 2, January 8, 2009
Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church
and gave Himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25.
Rekindling The Dying Fire
Any Christian husband knows that obeying this command is an awe filled,
humbling task. Our tendency is to err in one of two directions. Some of us
abdicate while others dominate. You are abdicating your responsibilities to
your wife when you embrace passivity in your marriage, when you neglect your
calling to love her sacrificially. Men instinctively move toward abdication.
Adam in the garden told God that the woman He gave him was the cause of his
disobedience. We have tried to pass the buck ever since. Some, in an effort to
make sure they lead their wives, fall instead into dominating them, lording
their authority over them, controlling them, running roughshod over their
feelings, desires, needs. In either extreme the result surely will be
agitation. A wife’s anger, bitterness, wrath, strife, inability to trust her
husband with money or other women, and her tendency to languish emotionally,
spiritually, and sometimes even physically can be traced to the treatment she
receives from her husband.
No wonder that after several years of marriage the passion fires can dissipate.
No wonder both parties find themselves drifting into separate hobbies,
recreations, vacations, and bedrooms. Remember this- the loss of love in a
marriage (when your wife says that you do not love her anymore) is the
husband’s fault. Strife, turmoil, and bickering are usually the wife’s fault,
but they stem from her husband’s failure to love her as he ought, according to
the prescription of the Apostle Paul.
So, what must any husband do to rekindle the dying fire of love in his
marriage? In order to rekindle he must first repent. Repent of what? Of not
loving his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. The Apostle,
after stating the wife’s subordinate role of submission, commands husbands to
consider the love of Christ
for His church. Paul later says the one flesh principle of Genesis 2:24, 25 is
a mystery where Christ and His church are a type for marriage. Looking at
Christ’s love for His church is to drive us to see how we are to love our wives.
The love of Christ for His church is the model, ground, or foundation of a
husband’s love for his wife. See John 3:16, I John 4:10. This love is never a
mere feeling. It is active, purposeful, intentional. The character of this love
is found in the fact that Christ willingly gave Himself up for us. Paul uses
the same language in Ephesians 5:1, 2 where he commands us to mimic God, to
walk in love because Christ loved us and gave Himself for us. The Greek text
here has an interesting construction which reveals the intentionality of
Christ’s love for us. It uses three hina clauses. These are purpose
clauses- that He might sanctify her. . .that He might present to Himself the
church in all her glory. . .that she might be holy and blameless. Many think
Paul is calling husbands to sanctify their wives by teaching them God’s word so
that they may be prepared to meet God on that great day. Certainly a husband is
to teach and lead his wife, but I suggest this is not what Paul is stressing
here. Instead he is wanting us to step back, take a long look as it were, at
the remarkable, steadfast, sacrificial, eternal love of Christ for His church. He wants
this love to grip us, to dominate our very souls. Our tendency as men is to see
a problem and to move quickly to fix it. You probably are looking for three
easy steps to rekindle your marriage. These sorts of things have only limited
success. Real change, a real rekindling of love in your marriage, will come as
the Holy
Spirit rekindles your sense of the Triune God’s love for
you.
Dear Christian husband, will you survey the love of God for you in Christ? Do
you not see the intentionality of His great love? In the so called covenant of
redemption in eternity past the Lord Jesus willingly offered to become human
flesh in order to die for your sins, to be raised again for your justification.
He said that He came to do His Father’s will. He said that He must work while
it is still day, for when night comes no man can work. Luke tells us that He
resolutely set His face toward Jerusalem. He said that He came not to be
served but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many. He said, “Father,
into Thy hands I commend My Spirit.” Jesus did not embrace passivity. He
offered Himself up for you. Jesus does not abuse His position and power. He
rightly demands our submission but He always leads in love, purity, and
gentleness. The Father’s supreme plan has always been the
salvation of His people for all the ages, all to the praise of the glory of His
grace. The remarkable truth is that God has positionally sanctified you
(putting you into a category of being righteous, called as saints) and He is
also progressively sanctifying you, making you more like Jesus, by chastising,
teaching, and leading you into all truth. He has washed you with the
regenerating waters of the Holy Spirit (Ezekiel 36:25, I Corinthians 6:11,
Titus 3:5), giving you a heart to love God and hate sin. He has declared you
not guilty, having imputed to you His very righteousness or perfection. And He
promises to take you to heaven when you die, to glorify you. Revelation 19 says
that we are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb, having been clothed
with white garments. Positional sanctification, regeneration, justification,
and glorification are all mentioned in Paul’s treatment of Christ’s love for
His church mentioned in Ephesians 5:25-27.
Husbands, you will rekindle your love for your wife, you will repent of not
loving her as you ought, when you are slain, overwhelmed, awed by the love of
God for you in Christ. When you continue to hold to the notion that you have
something to offer God, then you will continue in hard-hearted rebellion
against God and your wife.
I could write pages on this topic, but I must stop. But consider this one last
concept. In Hebrews 2 the writer tells us that Christ is no longer ashamed to
call us His brethren, that through death He has rendered powerless him who had
the power of death, that is the devil; and has removed the fear of death which
held us in slavery all our days. Think about that. Meditate upon it. Ask God to
stir up within you a new, experiential awareness of God’s remarkable, eternal,
covenantal love for you. Seek it, and when you have it, when it wells up in
your heart, then it will naturally spill out to those around you, especially
your wife. You will want to serve her, to consider her needs, to sacrifice for
her, to be intentional in putting her needs before your own. You will be
grieved at abusing your role. You will delight to love her willfully,
thoughtfully, thoroughly.
FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS is a weekly devotional by Reverend Al Baker, pastor of Christ Community Presbyterian Church in West Hartford, Connecticut.
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