FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS, volume 8, number 31, July 30, 2009

Yahweh Elohim fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man, Genesis 2:22.

The Celebration of Marriage

I have had the privilege of officiating at each of the wedding ceremonies of my three sons, and as I have stood with them at the front of the church, watching their brides come down the aisle, beautifully dressed in white, a profound sense of joy comes over me. I always enjoy officiating at wedding ceremonies. The couples begin their lives together with great happiness and expectancy. All believe they will be married to each other until they die. Unfortunately, as we too well know, this is not always the case. And consider your own marriage for a moment—are you growing cold toward each other? Has the fire and passion slowly dissipated as the years have piled up, causing you to live separate lives though still under the same roof? You never meant for it to be this way. What went wrong? What can you do to remedy it?

Most of us have read many times the account in Genesis 2 of God forming or fashioning woman from the rib of the man, causing a deep sleep (wouldn’t you want to be put to sleep when undergoing such intense surgery) to fall upon him. The account begins with the first malediction in Scripture. God said that it is not good for man to be alone so He purposed to create one who would correspond to him. How stunning that God would make such a pronouncement in the pure, pristine royal Garden of Eden! He had already said repeatedly, “And it is good,” and after creating man He said, “It is very good.” Adam also had the privilege of fellowshipping regularly with God. So why this malediction? While fellowship with God was awe inspiring, and while the task of naming the animals which Yahweh Elohim brought to him was rewarding, man was still incomplete. In a most remarkable act of beneficence God decided that He would fashion from the rib of Adam (not from his head lest the woman rule over him, not from his feet lest he trod upon her, but from his rib that she would protect his heart and be near him) a woman. We are told that Yahweh Elohim, after fashioning the woman (the Hebrew word connotes a master builder or architect making use of his creative skill and acumen) brought her to the man. This was a profound blessing to Adam, much like a father who presents his son with a gift he has long wanted. In reading this narrative we tend to miss the joyful celebration and kindness of God to man. God made a helper (Psalm 121:1 says our help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth) for man. Woman is not inferior to man, nor is she second class or an appendage. She and man are co-heirs with Christ. She is equal to him, but in a subordinate position, created for two reasons. She is to be a companion to her husband (it is not good for man to be alone) and she is to help him worship God (by assisting him to serve and obey God in fulfilling the cultural mandate, Genesis 1:27ff). Men, outside of the Lord Jesus Christ, the greatest gift God has given you is your wife. Do you believe that? I know you believed it when you married, but do you still believe it?

God ordained marriage for His glory and our good. It is vital that we understand marriage to be a creation ordinance, an act He instituted at creation meant to last until the consummation of the ages. This means that marriage is monogamous (from the Greek, literally meaning one marriage) and heterosexual. Since marriage is a creation ordinance the details of it apply to all people everywhere, whether or not they are Christians. There is no room for any sexual sin of any kind, whether homosexual sin, adultery, fornication, pornography, or anything else. Those who say that same sex marriage is a civil right are clearly wrong. God condemns it (Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26ff). He also condemns any other sexual sin. Not because He does not love us, but precisely because He does. He knows what we need. He knows that sexual sin involves the giving of one’s heart to another and the emotional, psychological, and spiritual problems that arise from it are only too real to any pastor or Christian counselor.

You grow cold, bitter, and angry with your spouse because you fail to remember the very reason for marriage—companionship and worship. You are to delight in what God has wrought. You are to be exhilarated with each others love. You complete each other, but perhaps the love is gone. Well then, what is the remedy? What can you do to rekindle the affection that has died? Some of you may think this is impossible. So much harm has been done. You see little hope of salvation. Borrowing from the words of the Lord Jesus in Revelation 2 where He takes the church at Ephesus to task for leaving their first love, I say to you, “Remember from where you have fallen and repent, and do the deeds which you did at first.” If you need to rekindle the love in your marriage then you need to practice three things—remember, repent, and renew. Remember how it used to be. Remember how you once served your spouse, how there was a deep love for each other made manifest in kindness, patience, and gentleness. Remember why God gave you marriage in the first place. Ask God to cause this to sink deeply into your soul. Then ask the Holy Spirit to show you your sin in connection with your spouse. Don’t focus on your spouse’s sin. Focus on your own. Get very specific. Think of how that sin has caused your spouse embarrassment, heartache, fear, and pain. You must first confess this sin to God, asking Him to break you of it, to cause you to hate it and forsake it, asking God to give you grace never to repeat it again, asking that He work in you true fruits of repentance. You must then confess it specifically to your spouse, calling it sin (not calling it a mistake or bad judgment, but a violation of God’s law), asking your spouse to forgive you of these specific sins. That’s hard enough but then comes the most difficult part. Your spouse ought to forgive you but that does not mean he or she trusts you or has warm, romantic feelings for you. These must be rekindled and it will take great sacrifice on your part. That leads to your need to renew. You must do the deeds which you did at first. Men, what did you do to win your wife in the first place? Do it again. Women, what did you do to attract your husband in the early days of your relationship? Do it again.

If you have not seen the movie Fireproof I urge you to do so, and get a glimpse of what you will need to do. If you have seen it, then do what you saw. But remember this—your flesh and indwelling sin are full of pride, deceit, arrogance, and selfishness. If you trust your own personality or skill then you will surely fail. This only happens through perseverance given you by the lover of your soul. You need to renew your love for the Lord Jesus. You must remember from where you have fallen in regard to Christ. If you say that you love God but hate your own brother (your spouse) then you are a liar and the truth is not in you. Rekindle your love for Jesus. How do you do it? Think on the glorious fact that He created you as a human being, as one in His image, having the capacity to think, emote, worship, and make decisions. He has provided for you all your days. He has spared your life even though prior to your conversion you were rebellious against Him, rejecting His many kindnesses, thus justly deserving His wrath and condemnation. If you had died at that time, you would have been justly cast into eternal hell fire. But He showed mercy to you, and He continues to do so, promising never to leave you nor forsake you, promising His presence and power daily, promising to walk with you through the deep waters of this life. He is a glorious Creator and Redeemer. Love Him by feasting upon His person and work, and when you do, you will be able to remember, repent, and renew your marriage.  

FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS is a weekly devotional by Reverend Al Baker, pastor of Christ Community Presbyterian Church in West Hartford, Connecticut.

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